Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
