Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
