I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
