I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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