Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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