I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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