So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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