There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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