Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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