Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
