I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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