Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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