You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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