Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
