remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
