Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
