Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
