if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
