it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
