I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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