I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The Olympian is in my bed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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