my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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