I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
