thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
