Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
