you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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