If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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