So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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