I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
