I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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