I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
