Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
