I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
