Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
