if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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