before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
