I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
