I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
