Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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