im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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