So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
