All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
