$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
