at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
