we have officially lost it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
