Pappa wants mamma naked
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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