and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
