Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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