Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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