I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
